Helping Siblings Adjust to a New Baby
Welcoming a new baby into the family is a huge change and not just for parents, but for older siblings too!
If you’re expecting another little one and wondering how your first child will handle it, you’re not alone. Feelings can range from excitement and curiosity to confusion and even jealousy and that’s okay.
Here’s how you can help your older child feel seen, supported, and included in this big family shift.
🧠 Understand It’s a Big Change for Them Too
Your older child(ren) is used to being the center of your world. Suddenly, everything changes and schedules, attention, and routines shift.
Even if they love their new sibling, they may struggle with:
Needing more reassurance or attention
Regressing in behavior (like potty training or sleep)
Wanting to be “babied”
Acting out to get your attention
This is all developmentally normal and not a sign of failure or bad behavior.
💛 Include Them Before Baby Arrives
Start laying the foundation early:
Read books about becoming a big sibling
Let them help prepare the nursery or choose a onesie
Show them baby pictures of themselves and tell stories about when they were born
Practice with a baby doll (feeding, rocking, diapering)
Let them ask questions, even the awkward ones. Reassure them they’re still just as important and loved!
🤝 Create Special Roles and “Big Kid” Jobs
Many children feel proud when they have a meaningful way to contribute.
Let them try:
Bringing you a diaper or a burp cloth
Singing a song to calm baby
Being in charge of picking baby’s outfit
“Reading” a book to baby during tummy time
Keep praise flowing: “You’re such an amazing big brother” or “Look how gentle you are with your sister!”
⏳ Carve Out One-on-One Time
Even 10–15 minutes of undivided attention can make a huge difference.
You can try:
Playing their favorite game
Going on a quick walk together
Reading a book without interruptions
Let them know: “This is just our special time.” Even if your hands are full, little moments of connection help them feel secure and loved.
🧸 Expect Mixed Emotions and Validate Them
Your child may say things like:
“Send the baby back!”
“I don’t like her!”
“You don’t love me anymore!”
“I don’t want you to be his mommy!”
These outbursts can feel jarring, but try to validate the feeling before correcting the behavior.
Try saying:
“It’s okay to feel frustrated. Things are really different right now and that can be scary.”
“You’re allowed to miss how things used to be.”
“I love you just as much as always.”
The goal isn’t perfection, it’s connection.
🌷 From Your Postpartum Doula
Part of my role as a postpartum doula is supporting the whole family, not just the newborn. I can help you create space for your older child, offer gentle parenting tools, and share ideas that fit your unique family dynamic.
Your first baby is growing into a new role. Your heart is growing too and I’ll be right beside you to help it all bloom.